and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
