Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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