Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
