I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
