A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
