Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
