After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
