Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
