Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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