Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
