please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
