just tell him i said nine months
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
