i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
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I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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