2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
