Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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