Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize