Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
