It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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