Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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