Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
