FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
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she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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