he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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