The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
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I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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