I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
