she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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