if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
