I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
