oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
