I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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