I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
