she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
