basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
