No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
