I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
