the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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