Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize