Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.