Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night