Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"