you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
