The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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