there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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