Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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