I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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