we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
