i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
