Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
