Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
