Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
