they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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