I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
