My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
