I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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