But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
