perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
