Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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