How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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