He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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