I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
