Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
