You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
