I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
