guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
