Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
