Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
