dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
