suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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