the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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