watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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