i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
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Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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