i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had to cum in my sink.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
