Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
