Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
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There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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